I'm heading into another weekend stuck at home.
Every time something good happens, something not so good falls in behind. Last week, my Federal Tax refund came in only a week after I filed it, so I was able to pay a lot of bills; not everything, but the most important ones - car payments, insurance, internet. This week, what little I have left has to go to replace the cracked thermostat housing in my car.
Not many years ago, I inherited $897 from an aunt who had recently passed away. I made a list of what I was going to use the money for new clothes, a new stereo, maybe a new Karaoke machine. The next day, my car broke down and it cost me...you guessed it...exactly $897 to fix it.
I used to wonder how it was possible that this type of thing could happen. How was it that somehow what went wrong with my car or some other expense that came out of the blue was exactly, or pretty nearly, the amount of money I had in the bank? Why was it that all these bad things would come along to take away what little I had and spoil my plans?
Not long after that car incident, I was reading in my scriptures, and I came across these verses in Matthew, chapter 6:19-33
"19 Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal:
20 But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven...
21 For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.
26 Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?
31 Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?
32 ...for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.
33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you."
I had read this passage several times before, but somehow this time I felt it was speaking directly to me. I read it again and again trying to understand what the message was I was supposed to get from this, but it seemed to be just beyond my reach. Finally, I decided to pray about it and sleep on it, and maybe an answer would come to me.
And it did. I don't know if it was a dream I can't remember or just the words running through my mind as I slept; but when I woke up the next morning, I knew.
It
wasn't some evil force that had caused the problem with my car or any other
bill that came up just when I received some significant amount of money. It was
Heavenly Father making sure I got that money just in time to take care of the
car and the other bills. If it hadn't been for those "sudden
windfalls," I wouldn't have been able to fix my car that I needed to get to
work; I couldn't have paid what needed to be taken care of last week if my tax
refund had not come in
weeks before I was expecting it. Heavenly Father was providing for me when I
couldn't provide for myself.
I used to fret and stew about things like lack of money, the lack of transportation, or being able to keep food in the house. But not anymore. It's still a strange feeling, but a great one, to be able to relax instead of fret and to be happy instead of frightened because I know that if I am faithful and do the best I can, the Lord will provide; not necessarily the way I want, but definitely the way I need. And that's a pretty great feeling!
(Update: since this writing, the work mentioned here was complete, the water pump has been replaced, and now bodywork has to be done because I was in an accident last night. I’m getting the feeling someone doesn’t want me to drive.)
